I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Randomize
