I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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