The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
