Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Randomize
