party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Just found out you can rent the rollerena for 100 bucks and you can bring your own beer... when are you free this week?
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
please don't ironically join a cult
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