Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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