Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
