he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
