p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
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