I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Randomize
