Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
