It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
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Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
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I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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