high people should be assigned attendants
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
