Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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