Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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