Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
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