i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
