Can Purell be used as lube?
you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize
