We had two amazing nights in a row...it was so weird...I couldn't even go to sleep cause I thought maybe it was just in his plot to kill me.
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
