Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
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