Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
