If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Someone took a shit in the house somewhere and I STILL can't find it. I'm just going to move.
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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