i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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