____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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