my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
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