neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
So squirting runs in the family.
Is it penis luge time yet?
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
