Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
I want to fling myself into the sun
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
