New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
