Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
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