I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
