ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
