im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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