I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
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After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
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A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize