I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
