I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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