Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
