it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
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