Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
