we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
...so how do you feel about living with a lesbian next year?
hhaha i just laughed out loud when i read that
is that a "i laughed because im fine with it" or "im a republican" ?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
