So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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