i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
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