I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
Randomize
