I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
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