probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
