I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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