im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Randomize
