I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I FOUND THE LEGS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
