Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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