It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
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How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
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Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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