We got so high we made milksteak
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
