Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Randomize
