my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
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