Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Randomize
