Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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