just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Fuck me I smell like cheese
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
