You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
It's blow job season.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
