Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
