I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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