Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
