we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
