Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
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