Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Randomize
