It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
