i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I cut my penus on the lid.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
