Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you mean i was at the winter classic?
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I've been on the toilet for an hour. On a six day bender. My ass feels like its leaking vodka
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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