literally had 100 drinks last night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
