Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
what day is it and did you see me today?
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
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